Before I Self Destruct!

This year it seems like everything that could go wrong in my life has gone wrong. I had a major falling out with my parents, and to this day my mom still barely speaks to me. Finances haven’t been great, only solace I take in that is knowing that I’m not alone on that front. Relationships, don’t even get me started on that topic. The one meaningful relationship that I did have and I actually thought was going somewhere, flat-lined about a month ago out of nowhere. No explanation, no break up phone call/text/email/facebook message. Shit to this day I don’t even know what it was that caused the demise of something that seemed so promising. But hey, as the old saying goes, you can’t cry over spilled milk, and quite honestly I’ve just never really been the crying type. Well I was for a bit, but that was a long time ago in Junior High School, but that’s neither here nor there. Back to the present, to add to my long string of failures this year, I have this “friend” who only seems to come into my life and appreciate my existence whenever she’s down and out and has no one else she can call. Now I use the term friend loosely, because as I said, whenever shit has hit the fan in this girl’s life, that’s when my phone always seems to ring with a message or a phone call from her, with not so much as an apology for not speaking to me for however long she has gone this time. She just gets on the phone and acts as if we just spoke yesterday, and me being the fool I am, I fall for it every time. Before it was money she seemed to always want, now its my time and my bed, which wouldn’t be the worst possible thing in the world, if she were coming up off some ass. Oh and God forbid I were to even bring up the idea of sex, I might as well be sentenced to death. My whole thing is this, if you don’t want to be propositioned by me, the least you could do is sleep with some clothes on, the whole sleeping in your underwear and expecting me to not fondle you isn’t going to fly. Now in her defense, I should be more of a gentleman and not expect anything from a friend that I’m doing a favor for, but as I stated earlier, the girl has used me for everything under the sun, so why shouldn’t I be able to profit a little from this obvious farce of a friendship. Shit, what she think, that she can get whatever she wants out of me and when its time to pay the piper she can just play the role of a woman scorned and I’ll just forget all that she’s sucked me dry for over the years. Maybe had she sucked me dry literally instead of figuratively once in a while, this wouldn’t even be an issue. So add that, to the list of failures. Another thing to add to my list is my vehicle situation, I’m starting to feel like the worlds biggest dummy. I have a car that I can’t register, I have a license that I can’t use, cause of the car situation, and every time I ask for a ride from supposed friends, I get more stories than Aesop’s Fables. All of this has got me thinking that this can’t be life, something has got to give, because with the way I’m feeling lately, its not long before I self destruct. The only thing that I can say even gets me up in the morning is the fact that I know I have a son who loves me, and with the way my life is going, I guess its only a matter of time too before that goes away, and the fact that I have a pending lawsuit against an employer that I’m praying for a huge settlement from. If that comes through, that’s when I’m really going to start acting brand new, I’m cutting off all my friends, and I’m moving to Europe. Okay, well maybe not Europe, but definitely to destinations unknown.